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Certainly if I had read these books when I was a teenager, the dating scene in my life would have been completely different, and let’s just say that I made a lot of mistakes in the dating world.
If I look back, I think my main mistake, one many women make is that I did not understood that men and women think differently. Not only do they think differently, their needs, goals and visions of life are often different, that is why we are complementary. By not understanding how men think, my relationships were a failure. If you know how they think, you know how to treat them and how to give yourself your place, you will have healthier and more successful relationships. Unfortunately, today’s society, the media, TV series and movies, make women, leave aside basic things in male-female relationships that could help us to have the relationship we want. And also w to identify healthy relationships from the toxic ones.
Youth tend to imitate these patterns and as a consequence we have many single women with unsuccessful relationships. For example, we know that women have the right to get an education and to run large international companies if they like. Of course a woman can go as far as she wants. However the brain science of how men and women think has evolve trough ancient times as a man the hunter and a woman a gatherer. If a woman chase a man because she can get what ever she wants, he is going to run away, and it is not going to work, because he is evolutionarily the hunter.
The books that changed my life and helped me have a successful relationship and a happy marriage as a consequence are the following:
4.- Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.
This was the first book I read about dating and love affairs in my early 20’s, and I still have in my mind a phrase from that book that sums it up nicely:
“He should accept me as I am!” says the woman who is too nice. Accept you? Oh no, sister. Slap yourself. He should want you madly. Acceptance has nothing to do with it. He accepts a doormat. But he desires his dreamgirl.”
This book helped me improve my self-esteem in a male-female relationship and subtly shows you how men process things. It was definitely a very good book to start.
This book is written by a man, in a very frank and pleasant way. It explains how men work, what motivates them day by day and how to use that to understand that for your benefit. The author wrote the book the way a father thinks of a daughter and how to help her to survive relationships.
As in the previous book, you will understand that men are very simple, that is why if a man does not call you or send you messages, he simply does not have interest in you. This book helps you answer the questions that leave you sleepless about why he did this or that. Answers that your girl friends will not be able to solve, even if they try to read between the lines. It is a very direct book, which not only gives you the point of view of a man, but also has a feminine point of view. The book sets out various scenarios that women have faced sooner or later and gives you a simple answer. This guide is very good since your time is too valuable to be wasting it with someone who simply does not interest you. There is a movie that was made with the name of the book and a mention is made regarding this book in an episode of Sex and the City.
Although the other books mentioned above are very good and what they gave me I would not change for anything, this book made all the difference in my life and it came just before I met my husband. The problem is that although I had in my mind the concepts especially of the first 2 books, I couldn’t apply them successfully in the real life. I stumbled over and over again with the same errors and did not achieve the desired result.
“The rules” is a method with an established structure where all you have to do is just that: follow the rules. The book, or books, explains why these rules work, how the men think in this or that situation and what happens if you break the rule. They (the authors) warn that discipline is required to avoid breaking the rules and practice as in any sport. These books are for women who want to get married or at least a be in a long term serious and monogamous relationship. It is not for women who just want to have fun with men, because if that is the case they can continue breaking the rules and do whatever they want.
In my personal case I needed that structure, a guide that told me exactly what to do and when and of course it does not contradict the previous books, rather they complement each other. In fact, Sherry Argov, the author of “Why men love bitches”, consulted with the authors of The Rules when writing her book.
This book is not a single book, it is a whole collection of books that have been written over the years and with the evolution of times and technologies. If you want to know more, I leave you with a link to web site. The authors realized that their friends, successful professionals, at the same time had unsuccessful relationships, and realized that in the past their grandmothers had no such problems. That is why they decided to write this book.
The original book, the first one they wrote is called
The Rules (TM): Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
Then the second book was released, which was a complement to the first.
Later these books were joined into one and that was the first I read, that book is called:
All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
The authors made an updated version with the help of their daughters, including all the new technology, emails, text messages and social media, which did not exist back in the 90’s when the original books came out. If you could only pick a single book from this list, that book would be this one.
Now the authors have other books, I met my husband through online dating (CatholicMatch).So I applied the principles of the rules in this situation and just then I realized that there was an exclusive book for online relationships. I read the book since I had met my husband online and before we got married, as a reinforcement to know if I was doing things right, and it reinforced what I was already doing. So if you are interested in meeting someone online, this is a good book for this.
Finally they have a book for when you got married.
Additional material
Finally, I leave you a ted talk from Dr. Dawn Maslar. She scientifically explains how getting in love occurs at the level of neurotransmitters in both men and women, validating in a certain way what was said in the books.
How Your Brain Falls In Love | Dawn Maslar | TEDxBocaRaton
I hope you liked this post and you find it useful.
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